Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
