Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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