I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
