We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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