Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize