i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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