Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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