she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
