Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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