What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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