they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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