"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
try to milk me bitch
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