I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i think i have herpe
just one?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
