my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
