I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
