omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
50% drunk capacity currently
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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