He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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