Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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