I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize