the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
