I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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