I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
