You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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