you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
