I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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