i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
