What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize