he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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