i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
