we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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