So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize