my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
