i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
