He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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