Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
