I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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