sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
