Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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