can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
