I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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