Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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