Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
