feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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