You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
