and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
