I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
