I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
