Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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