i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
