I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didn't notice because vodka
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
