it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize