I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
