i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think your dad took our porno
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
