so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
