i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
