I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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