when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize