I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
