We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
operation harelip BJ is a go
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
