I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
