Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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