Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
