Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's never too late to be topless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
