Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
