Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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