Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
