Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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