i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
